Beware Of The People In Your Life

"Do you know why most people get money and lose it fast? Do you know why most people are drowning in debt? Do you know why being broke is so common? It is how you relate to the People In Your Life.

People In Your Life include all the people that you want to please. No matter what they tell you, we all want to please someone at some point in our lives. We all have a point to prove and emotional scores to settle. But at what cost? Why are you allowing yourself to be tricked into believing that your life revolves around the people who have access to your life? Why do you keep pleasing people who are not really pleased with you and whatever it is you do to please them?

* Who are these People In Your Life?

They are your friends

They are your family members/relatives

They are your colleagues

They are your lovers

They are your haters and critics.

These people are so in your life it is no longer you who lives but them who live through you. Every financial mistake you make is to get their stamp of approval, but at the end they forget everything you ever did to please them. The reason is simple: People In Your Life are hard to please. You can only please them temporarily. You stretch yourself financially because you want them to see your value but at the end you drown in debt and you eat from hand to mouth.

* How do you please the People In Your Life?

- You will no longer buy any clothes that you like (from Pep Stores) because the People In Your Life won't like them and actually cannot approve of such low-priced style. This forces you to go for what is pleasing to the People In Your Life, even if you can't really afford it given your budget of operation.

- You will not be seen dead in public transport or a second hand car that you can actually afford because the People In Your Life won't think it suits you to drive such a cheap hand-me-down-at-less-than-a-dime. This forces you to go for what is pleasing to the People In Your Life, even if you really can't afford the fuel on that machine they think is befitting for someone like you.

- You will not live in a cheap house or flat that suits your budget perfectly because when the People In Your Life visit they must be under the impression that you are living well. This means you will add some good-looking and expensive furniture so they can speak well of you these damn People In Your Life.

- You will no longer be seen drinking liquor in affordable quarts that normally cost R120 per case, but will go for restaurant dumpies and expensive bottles that took years to distill because this makes you look good among the People In Your Life.

- You will no longer enjoy watching people buy you or others food or drinks at Shisa Nyama, but you'll also start reaching deep into your pockets to ensure that everyone knows that you also have the money to take care of the People In Your Life.

- You will no longer allow your children to attend school at an affordable government school but will choke your budget paying thousands of Rands per month just so the People In Your Life know that you can also afford suburban education, even if your budget tells you that you can't afford it.

* What is the solution to dealing with the People In Your Life?

You are your own solution. The people are not a problem at all. Your clinging to them, despite the mistakes they sponsor in your life, is the problem. The question is, how do you solve you? Just love them from a distance. What good does it do you to keep people who don't appreciate your humble efforts? What good does it do you to keep people who put you under pressure to spend more than you can afford?"

*Summary of Chapter 9 (Loving The SUV): 12 Types of People to Love... From a Distance

Those interested in placing an order for a copy or copies of 12 Types, feel free to send an email to: info.12types@gmail.com

Wagago

Kgoshii Lerabela

Author of 12 Types of People to Love… From a Distance (ISBN: 978-1-920655-18-1)

Who's Ya Enemy?

There are people of European descent who fought against racism, apartheid and colonialism. There are people of European descent who WISH they fought against racism, apartheid and colonialism. And there are people of European descent who would love us to believe that they fought against racism, apartheid and colonialism. In future, I bet my two quarts of Castle Lager, there will be people of African descent who would have fought against tribalism and xenophobia. There will be others of African descent who will WISH they had fought against tribalism and xenophobia. And there will be some of African descent who would love us to believe that they fought against tribalism and xenophobia.

The poignant point is that some of us love blaming but hate to be blamed. We love criticising but hate to be criticised. We love bossing people around but hate to be bossed around.

For example, five people of African descent would publicly rage against racism, but only two would feel the same rage against tribalism and xenophobia. The challenge before us is an invitation therefore, for us to ask ourselves a deep question: Do we really hate injustice, or do we only hate it when it is meted against us? If racism is an injustice against people of African descent, why can't tribalism be viewed in the same light? "Sela saMswati sela." "LokweMashangani." "Mvecha lwehi." These are common insults aimed at denigrating Swati, Shangaan and Pulana people, respectively. The reason? In order for us to feel great about ourselves or our tribe, we have to belittle people from other tribes. We even laugh and take pride in how we want other tribes to be portrayed in a demeaning way. How can we not mention our brothers and sisters from across the border and yonder Africa's least respected regions? "Ora yela wa Lekwerekwere?" Yet, we have the nerve to rage against racism.

Think about it for a minute. If it's so difficult for us to change from entrenched attitudes that make us ignore, and to some extent tolerate, tribalism; why do we then expect others to stop being racist? Aren't we the same in that none of us sees any injustice in the way we treat our fellow human beings? Is the human kingdom any better than the predatory animal kingdom where stronger beasts prey on the weak among them?

Perhaps there is a cure for racism. Perhaps there is a cure for tribalism and xenophobia. Perhaps it all starts with us, whoever we are.

Isn't it about time we learned to love ourselves before expecting others to love us? Isn't it about time we thought twice before we think five times? Isn't this the right moment to think small before we think big? Let the same Supreme Judge (In Us) who presides over racism preside over the evil of tribalism and xenophobia.

Long live Africa, long live the Mother Land.

Wagago
Kgoshii

Four sex hiccups men fear to raise with women

Four sex hiccups men fear to raise with women

Confronting mediocre sex

Men and women generally dream of a great sex life. Unfortunately, it is not every day that a sex partner is spontaneously able to deliver that dream on a silver platter that threatens to climax to an earth-shattering tremor measuring at Cloud 9 on the Orgasmic Richter scale. Some people will never enjoy sex without following the uncomfortable urge to give a few pointers or some talking-through while sweating it out with their partner. Unless you are the kind of extrovert who won’t hesitate telling someone that their breath is funky, like most people, you’d probably keep the sexual discomfort to yourself or do your best to avoid sex with that person in future.  In all honesty, it is hard for both introverted men and women to tell their partner that they are not enjoying sex with them. It takes several bad experiences with previous lovers for a partner to be honest enough to ask you to work with them during sex. It’s worse when the partners want different things; that means a lot of compromises have to be made. This normally means you must each please one partner at a time. For example, a guy normally becomes horny from the onset, but since most ladies need to be revved up with aroused tongue and lubricated fingers before their engines get going, guys have learnt to be patient enough. The truth is, by the time the guy finishes going down on you, his engine won’t be as strong as it was at the beginning, but that’s a compromise we have learned to live with and derive pleasure from.

What some women don’t know

Some women don’t know that as much as they experience disappointments in bed (or in the car, or on the kitchen table), men also do at some point. It is sad that as brave as men claim they are, some would rather be caught cheating than tell a woman that she is just no good in bed. On the other hand, today’s women tend to have the audacity to speak out against bad sex, which, when handled with the greatest ego-protecting sensitivity, eventually makes sex great. Other men just don’t believe that telling their woman that symbolically she sucks in bed is morally okay. And they are right, remember how it all ended the last time he told you your dress was not looking that good on you when you wanted to attend that function? Or that time he warned you that you were gaining a few kilos that don’t compliment your body? For men, it’s once beaten twice shy; that’s why it is so hard to tell their women how to do them right, unless the woman volunteers to find out. Sometimes communication isn’t the key, but the stone that shatters the glass house. Intrinsically, we all resonate with that unpopular study that suggests people fear rejection more than they do dying. In a way, our subconscious minds warn us not to spoil someone’s sex mood by telling them they are not doing it right.  But what do you do when you desperately need to enjoy sex to the maximum possibility of that divine experience? Well, I have a few sex tips for women.

Four sex hiccups men fear to raise with their women:

(1)    Initiate the conversation. Ask your man what is it that makes him sexually comfortable when you two are together. Ask him while you are in the process, not before or after. Just like learning to drive a car, it is better in practice than in theory.  The biggest mistake women make is that they hold on to the blind faith that they know exactly what their man needs and they will serve it to him the way they see fit. Meanwhile, the poor dude could be suffocating and wishing to hit it elsewhere, coming up with excuses every time you want him to do you.

(2)    Check his state of mind. You need to know that sex is a Tripartite Affair of Pairs. The first pair are the two minds involved, the second pair are the two emotional bodies involved and the third pair are the two physical bodies involved. You can’t have your minds in two separate places and think you will enjoy the same thing. Seducing him can work most of the times but sometimes you just need to find out if his mind is into sex that day. We do understand when you are “having a headache” or are on your untimely period, don’t we?

(3)    Check his emotional state. If, for example, he is stressed at work or financially, he might just need you to first assure him that he is still your hero and that you want to be with him no matter what he is going through. That will make him horny whereas if you don’t care what emotional state he is going through you might end up getting a poor performance from him and eventually accuse him of having a side dish.

(4)    Check his physical state. Unfortunately most women have heard that men don’t want dead weight in bed, so they always want to move and shake for their man. The question is are you moving in unison with his body or are you just moving to score points? Does his penis enjoy your movement or are you actually making things worse? Remember, the body is one hell of a trick mass. We differ in body size, height, width and weight. Just because Sipho used to like it when you gave it to him like this or when you gave him a hand or blow job in this way, it doesn’t mean Steve will like it that same way too. Ask if this “doesn’t hurt baby?” Find out if he gains maximum sensation when you do it this way or should you do it another way. Our penises are not izinduku (rods), they are muscle and flesh and they are sensitive too, please handle with care. Nothing scares the hell out of a man than the idea of his balls or penis “breaking.” He’d rather break-up than have his tools break. Any threat weakens the erection. Tune into his mind, emotions and body and see if this is what he really likes. If you are not sure, don’t be shy, just ask.

Whenever you go sexing your man, always keep in mind that sex is a matter of paired communication between a pair of minds, a pair of emotions and a pair of bodies. Go love your man like never before.

Kgoshii Lerabela

Author of 12 Types of People to Love… From a Distance (ISBN: 978-1-920655-18-1)

12 Types of People Who Stay Broke

12 Types of People Who Stay Broke

Anyone wishing to follow their heart into the dark subway of entrepreneurship should first consider their relationship with money before hoping to see light at the end of the tunnel. Whether you are a believer or not, entrepreneurship should be seen as simply “Playing God.” That means it should be an attitude that identifies an opportunity to create multiple forms of life in empty space - providing light services and products where darkness has covered the surface of your deep (market). Unless you are a not-for-profit entity, at the end of the day the entrepreneur’s successful services or products must go through the litmus test of financial benefit, which is not necessarily profit, but money generated from the business activities of the enterprise, depending on how much you love or loathe bleeding your hard work on taxes. People judging you as an entrepreneur will only want to know one thing, is your business broke or loaded? Are you making money or just playing busy? Of course, this brings us back to the entrepreneur’s relationship with money in general, not just for the business venture in particular.

The hardest pill to swallow for any aspiring entrepreneur is the undeniable fact that changing from being broke to being loaded is not going to be a walk in the park. It is not going to be an overnight music festival. It is fact going to be one hell of a mammoth task, a financial Kilimanjaro climb of sorts. The entrepreneur must admit that the only way to enjoy financial freedom is to have an awesome relationship with finances, starting with the little you have in your wallet or bank account. Many of us have committed financial suicide a million times but ironically we remain shocked at why our business ventures are not taking off. No business can become a success if the our finances are not well organised. We all need to have that unbreakable relationship with money. Unfortunately, most of us are stuck in the Broke Cycle. The entrepreneur needs to know that nothing will change until we change. Many rappers have alway believed that “If it don’t make money it don’t make sense.” The question is, what do you do with the money you make?

Below is a list of the 12 Types of People Who Stay Broke. These are just behaviours we need to change from before believing we can make some financial success of our lives.

1. The Blind Spender

(RED FLAG: No sense of saving)

You get money into your hands, your purse, your wallet, your pocket or your bank account and you immediately look for ways to get rid of it.

2. The Risk-Averter

(RED FLAG: No sense of investment)

You don't see the need to lock some money away for a while or invest it into a small business that can create more income streams for you.

3. The Born Buyer

(RED FLAG: No sense of sales)

You keep buying stuff but you don't have anything to sell, meaning you are not generating more income. This can prove economically limiting.

4. The Guess Worker

(RED FLAG: No sense of research)

You are energetic when it comes to jumping into new business ventures or career ideas, but you never bother to do some research so you can have an idea of how to navigate that business or career.

5. The Lonely Islander

(RED FLAG: No sense of networking)

You operate in a mental business space that does not help you grow or establish profitable networks and industry connections.

6. The Crazy Complainer

(RED FLAG: No sense of remedy)

You tend to find everything wrong with life, especially when it comes to finances, but you do nothing to improve your situation.

7. The Time Squanderer

(RED FLAG: No sense of mission)

You easily allow people to have unnecessary access to your life, thus mis-investing your time when it could be put to rewarding use.

8. The Cliché Brigadier

(RED FLAG: No sense of wisdom)

You have a tendency to think you are smarter than ancient wisdom or know better than to listen to good advice. Words like "THINK BIG/THINK OUT OF THE BOX/LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT" are meaningless to you, at your own detriment.

9. The Cheer Leader

(RED FLAG: No sense of ownership)

You know all the star players - or the latest money guys - but you don't get to play because you've decided to cheer others on.

10. The Chronic Borrower

(RED FLAG: No sense of budget)

You are always queuing for the odd loan or on the phone begging a friend or relative to lend you some cash - again.

11. The Stray Bullet

(RED FLAG: No sense of direction)

You are always doing the right thing at the wrong place, missing your real life purpose and goals.

12. The Lazy Bugger

(RED FLAG: No sense of hustle)

You are a daydreamer who never invests any real work towards the fulfilment of your dreams.

Kgoshii Tshwarelo Mogakane

Author, 12 Types of People to Love… From a Distance

Contact: 073 635 4550

Women Advice From My Dad

Last night my Heavenly Father visited me in my dreams. We spoke about women and he warmly shared some great advice with me.

"Son, if you go bumping into women and you happen to be in need of quality, always look for the following:

1. Look for a woman who is looking for substance, not one who is looking for subsistence.

2. Look for a woman who will invest in your energy, not one who will only enjoy depleting it.

3. Look for a woman with her own dreams, not one who will turn yours into a nightmare.

4. Look for a woman who will laugh with you, not one who will laugh at you.

5. Look for a woman who will give you constructive guidance, not one who will attack your decisions just to show you she is better than you.

6. Look for a woman who will passionately protect your Achilles Heel, not one who will continually bruise it.

7. Look for a woman who understands the value of money enough to make her own, not one who will turn you into her Personal Automated Teller Machine (P-ATM).

8. Look for a woman who will build a family with you based on her respect for your family, not one who will build a family with you while destroying your relationship with your family.

9. Look for a woman with personal swag, not one who will turn you into her symbol of swagger.

10. Look for a woman who will be your partner in crime, not one who will play Accuser of the Brethren.

11. Look for a woman with a sense of spiritual depth, not one who will sink you in her egoistic shallowness.

12. Finally my son, look for the woman you are looking for, not just one who is looking for you or one that others think will be good for you. Only you and myself know your heart son, go for what makes it thump and the one who will keep it pumping through the rough teaching patches of life.

Your Loving Dad,

Infinity."

Rhino poaching noise speaks less than caring

When human beings continue to lose the fact that they have lost their way, all is in the process of becoming lost. It doesn’t take a bone-throwing sangoma to reveal that South Africa is, and has been, losing the war against rhino poaching. Without sounding eschatological in relation to the tentatively declining rhino population, it is almost safe to take a throat-bleaching shot of whiskey, jump into a lake - moon-walk style - and vomit an intoxicating volley of the following words, “South African rhinos are doomed.”

Undeniably, an environmentally scary number of rhinos have become illicit commercial fodder for the foot chariots chauffeuring “anonymous” masterminds behind the onslaught of rhino slaughter. While nature conservation enthusiasts frown over the latest rhino whose two horns hit the underground in a bloody mess of carefree killing, there is an entire stepladder of criminals who are in jubilant celebration. Yes, they toast to the most pricy bottles of good malt as they muse upon the prospect of moving into a leafy suburb on a plush set of German wheels and scoring their place among the most respected citizens of our materialistic society. No, no, no; don’t act surprised. Our society is completely infatuated with those who are materially ahead of their time; we bow and kiss the feet of those who own equity and hold stakes (steaks) in various private portfolios while owning stretches of land and extravagant dwellings and holiday homes. In other words, although we are not all guilty as charged, we remain unarguably indicted. Our obsession with attaching our heart-concealed respect to people of means translates into crime becoming one of the greatest pillars of wealth-creation. This is because we all want respect, and if wealth is its quota, we shall forever carry the tape measures of fuel needed to arrive at some crumb of respect allocated to those who have reached our recently inhabited level.

It therefore makes common sense that anyone swayed into seeing the profitability of crime will not miss the mis-opportunity of rhino poaching. Others go as far as disguising it as rhino hunting. Duh! Who are they fooling? And who the bloody hell wrote up the law that says, “You can kill a rhino and take its horn – as long as y0u have enough money to be a trophy hunter.”? That means, as long as you are a highly-respected (wealthy) citizen of the society, you can kill any member of the so-called protected species. And they call it trophy hunting, when it is sheer slaughter. It is obvious; this is tantamount to euthanising a healthy human being. This is blatant murder, minus the prosecutor.

To swiftly return to the hang-over – I mean the point – rhinos are facing their weekly brutal deaths simply because we have lost our way. We.Simply.Don’t.Care. That’s all there is to it: We don’t care – about anything, except material gain and earning “respect” among our Epicurio-centric peers?  Our lack of care is an intravenous engagement that goes as far as our deepest moral vein. Just take a look around you. Humans surround you. They need your love, care and protection. But you won’t love, care for and protect them; they don’t matter to you. What matters to you is protecting the dying rhino species. Then, like one gifted Oscar Pistorius, you run around the country urging the hungry crop of rural underdevelopment to spy on your behalf and report these merciless rhino killings to the relevant authorities. Little do you care that the people you are requesting to care for the rhino have not experienced care themselves. Instead, they are expected that each day they wake to more hunger they should continue to trace poachers despite the fact that they themselves – as a rural species – are under a barrage of poverty bombs that are dropped on their heads mercilessly. What about the women and children being raped and slaughtered around the country? Their mutilated bodies are splashed on newspaper front pages to convince you of the importance of the issue in circulation, but still you simply fail to care.

As you return to your house after a long day of enforcing your authority as an employer, you switch on TV and in shock see the broadcast of Marikana mineworkers being reduced to a heap of unrespectable corpses. For a few days you simply don’t understand why those breadwinners were shot. A week later, you have forgotten that such a large number of fathers, uncles, brothers, sons and husbands were killed for asking to be paid better wages. The only thing on your mind is the latest rhino poaching statistics, which come out almost every week. Your heart bleeds as you picture those beautiful animals being hacked to death, but not the children in DRC. What about the SA protestors who are being killed so much? Don’t they matter? Don’t you care? What about the innocent suspects who languish behind bars for years simply because they can’t afford a decent lawyer? What about the secretaries, personal assistants and managers who are forced to open their legs in order for them to keep their jobs? What about girls who can’t go to school because they are experiencing their menstrual cycle and can’t afford sanitary pads?

Now that I realise that my whiskey leap into the lake was not as successful as I had anticipated, let me say this in conclusion. As long as you continue to care about an animal more than you do your fellow human being, South African rhinos are doomed.

Wagago

Kgoshii Tshwarelo Mogakane

Long Live My Bleeding Ego

Sometimes I just can't help it, I ask myself, why do I as a politician steal from the poor people who mandated me to work for them? Why am I working against them?

Sometimes I just ask myself as a preacher, why am I using rhetorical tactics to steal from the people that I pretend to be feeding the word of God? Why am I working against them?

Sometimes I just ask myself as a private business owner, why am I exploiting the same employees who are making me rich? Why am I working against them?

Sometimes I just ask myself as a friend, why am I gossiping the very same people that I call my close friends? Why am I working against them?

Sometimes I just ask myself as a lover, why am I cheating on the partner that I told the world I love with all my heart? Why am I working against them?

The truth is: I am hurting. Deep inside, I'm a Mbuyangwana who must work against everything in order to feel better about myself.

The unacknowledged truth is: I have a low self-esteem. Deep inside, I'm a self-pitying individual who must work against everything to boost my esteem.

The scary truth is: My ego is bleeding. Deep inside, I seek some form of validation that can tell me that I matter, because if I feel I do not matter, I become a vicious Social Sniper working against everything to avenge myself on the world.

Yes, this is the truth, but the question is: Why is my ego bleeding?

1. My ego is bleeding for recognition.

2. My ego is bleeding for admiration.

3. My ego is bleeding for attention.

4. My ego is bleeding for appreciation.

5. My ego is bleeding for affection.

6. My ego is bleeding for retribution.

7. My ego is bleeding for restitution.

8. My ego is bleeding for manipulation.

9. My ego is bleeding for an upper hand.

10. My ego is bleeding to be better than my neighbour; to be better than my peers; to be better than my friends; to be better than my partner; to be better than my brother; to be better than my sister; to be better than my relatives; my ego is bleeding to be better than my enemies.

In the paraphrased words of Paul the Biblical Apostle, “Oh, wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from this ego?”

Wagago,

The Egomaniac