I have an ego, I must admit. And so do you. Ego can be
constructive in protecting us from social degradation. However, ego can also be
atomically destructive and cause us the worst forms of social degradation.
Unfortunately, more often than not, our egos can mercilessly lead us into the
unwanted evil of our self-manufactured downfall. For an extended example, if
you want to see the ugly nakedness of ego, just live closer to what we shall
call Musicians And Stupid Singers (The MASS). We musicians and stupid singers
have such unbearable egos. And for that reason, we hate any person who has the
tiniest inclination to criticise our musical products. "Don't touch me on
my studio" is noisy song we sing whenever we go looking for people to
approve of our half-baked musical products. Trust me, I know. I have been part
of The MASS for the past 20 years.
The challenge is that this ego-ravished approach to
creating excellent musical products will never work because The MASS are in
their own way. Admit it or not, we are in our own way. We fear criticism so
much that we won't give an ear to anyone who doesn't feel our music in their
ears. You may be saying, "Yes, it is true that the fear of criticism is
worse than our fear of death, but how does this work against musicians and
singers?" The major challenge with this MASS Ego is that a musician or singer
will approach you with their song in hand and ask you to give them your
"honest" opinion about their musical product. You listen to the song
and then give your opinion. What happens next? If your opinion is not complete
adulation or gargantuan adoration for their musical product you are going to
have an argument on why the product is good. Now, how is that asking for
someone's "honest" opinion? We musicians and stupid singers are
nothing but a bunch of egomaniacs and shameless pretenders. We come to you
pretending that we are looking for an "honest" opinion or assessment
when we are in actual fact looking for praise. How diabolic is this approach to
developing our products into the best out there? Haven't we learned something
from the story of Lucifer who, because of an unbearable ego, messed with his
Creator because he wanted to shine brighter than the One who made him? Now, in
the same way, we mess with our own creativity because we just want to ascend to
the throne of praise even when we have not created anything worthy such
applause. We musicians and stupid singers always pretend we are looking for an
opinion that can help us improve on what we have created when in truth we just
came for a standing ovation. This is madness. This is ego at its destructive
best.
My solution is simple. If you really want an
"honest" opinion on your musical product, just bear the criticism and
go evaluate it in your personal creative space. Don't attack on spit on the honest
opinions of people you approached for an opinion in the first place. If you
don't want the criticism, don't ask for anyone's opinion. Just take your product
to the public and they will decide whether they think your product needs some
work or not. One thing I have learned in this world of music is that,
hypothetically, one song can generate 10 different opinions from 10 different
listeners. When someone doesn't like a song that I composed, sang and/or
produced, I don't take it personally anymore. Trust me, I have heard people
criticising or not even paying the slightest attention to a Tupac song that I thought
was the best hip hop song in the world. Now, if someone doesn't honestly feel the
legendary Tupac, or a song that I thought was one of his best, who am I to boil
with rage when someone doesn't feel my song? This is too much ego and it's
poisonous. It can destroy the very art we try to create. When someone
criticises your song, they are saying to you, "You might want to consider
this before going out there with this product." What is so wrong with
considering something? If you feel the person is wrong, don't take it
personally, don't argue and don't attack. Just go with the opinions of the nine
others, or at least one of them. If you want praise, just play the song and
hallucinate in self-praise. Only the market can judge you. If the people love
you out there, there is no need for you to go pretending you are looking for an
"honest" opinion when you are in fact looking for a fan. Lamentably,
this is the same story you come across when dealing with fine artists,
crafters, journalists, dancers, athletes, bakers, love-makers, etc. We human
beings just don't want to be told anything, unless it's good to our ears.
However, I feel it is fair that sometimes we should tell people what they need
to hear, when it really matters.
I'm sure I have stepped on a lot of egos with this post,
but I don't care because I'm still also going to approach people for their
"honest" opinion about my music. And I swear to you, I will do that
with my heart hoping that I get some serious praise. Mine is not to frown when
someone points out that tiny room of improvement. Criticism in general is hard
to stomach, but we must treat constructive criticism like bitter medicine aimed
at treating an ailment. We must grin and bear it. We must be brave enough to
suffer three constructive criticism opinions than to suffer the embarrassment of
being told to quit music and look for a job. Like it or not, a thousand plus
critics await your music out there. What are you going to do when they rubbish
you in the open just because you refused to listen to advice in private. This is
the sorry story we see of families banding together in support of someone who
believes they will be the next Idol when in fact that person can't sing to save
his or her life. We need to be honest enough with ourselves to take some
criticism. Remember, criticism is not meant to stop us, but meant to highlight
areas where we can become better. As an author, I have received some constructive
criticism from some of my friends who read 12 Types of People to Love. It was
hard taking the criticism but as time went along, with many others showering me
with praise, I have seen that I can use some of the criticism to my advantage
in my next offering. I can't change some of the unnecessary parts in the book
now, but I sure can do better next time. English author Neil Gaiman once wrote,
"I suspect that most authors don't really want criticism, not even
constructive criticism. They want straight-out, unabashed, unashamed, fulsome,
informed, naked praise, arriving by the shipload every fifteen minutes or so."
The same can be said about The MASS.
Sadly, criticism is a controversial topic. Inspiration
speaker and author H. Norman Wright once argued, "Is constructive
criticism really constructive? Not really. You can't make a child better by
pointing out what you think is wrong with him or her. Criticism either crushes
spirit or elicits defensiveness. Constructive criticism is an interesting
combination of words. 'Construct' means 'to build.' 'Criticism' means 'to tear
down.' It creates defiance and anger as well." As much as I agree with him
to an extent, as an author and a musician and stupid singer myself, I have to
also caution against following that line of thinking. If your friend is building
a beautiful mansion in a water-logged area, would you be fair to only celebrate
the beauty of their house when you can see that it won't stand for long? One of
our own South African products, Unarine Ramaru, a journalist and graphic designer
had this to say about criticism: "Choose criticism wisely, it might help
you improve some elements of what you do."
It's up to you? Are you looking for an "honest"
opinion or are you looking for praise? Be clear what is it that you want; you
can save all of us the ego madness.
Wagago
Kgoshii Lerabela