Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Four sex hiccups men fear to raise with women

Four sex hiccups men fear to raise with women
Confronting mediocre sex
Men and women generally dream of a great sex life. Unfortunately, it is not every day that a sex partner is spontaneously able to deliver that dream on a silver platter that threatens to climax to an earth-shattering tremor measuring at Cloud 9 on the Orgasmic Richter scale. Some people will never enjoy sex without following the uncomfortable urge to give a few pointers or some talking-through while sweating it out with their partner. Unless you are the kind of extrovert who won’t hesitate telling someone that their breath is funky, like most people, you’d probably keep the sexual discomfort to yourself or do your best to avoid sex with that person in future.  In all honesty, it is hard for both introverted men and women to tell their partner that they are not enjoying sex with them. It takes several bad experiences with previous lovers for a partner to be honest enough to ask you to work with them during sex. It’s worse when the partners want different things; that means a lot of compromises have to be made. This normally means you must each please one partner at a time. For example, a guy normally becomes horny from the onset, but since most ladies need to be revved up with aroused tongue and lubricated fingers before their engines get going, guys have learnt to be patient enough. The truth is, by the time the guy finishes going down on you, his engine won’t be as strong as it was at the beginning, but that’s a compromise we have learned to live with and derive pleasure from.
What some women don’t know
Some women don’t know that as much as they experience disappointments in bed (or in the car, or on the kitchen table), men also do at some point. It is sad that as brave as men claim they are, some would rather be caught cheating than tell a woman that she is just no good in bed. On the other hand, today’s women tend to have the audacity to speak out against bad sex, which, when handled with the greatest ego-protecting sensitivity, eventually makes sex great. Other men just don’t believe that telling their woman that symbolically she sucks in bed is morally okay. And they are right, remember how it all ended the last time he told you your dress was not looking that good on you when you wanted to attend that function? Or that time he warned you that you were gaining a few kilos that don’t compliment your body? For men, it’s once beaten twice shy; that’s why it is so hard to tell their women how to do them right, unless the woman volunteers to find out. Sometimes communication isn’t the key, but the stone that shatters the glass house. Intrinsically, we all resonate with that unpopular study that suggests people fear rejection more than they do dying. In a way, our subconscious minds warn us not to spoil someone’s sex mood by telling them they are not doing it right.  But what do you do when you desperately need to enjoy sex to the maximum possibility of that divine experience? Well, I have a few sex tips for women.
Four sex hiccups men fear to raise with their women:
(1)    Initiate the conversation. Ask your man what is it that makes him sexually comfortable when you two are together. Ask him while you are in the process, not before or after. Just like learning to drive a car, it is better in practice than in theory.  The biggest mistake women make is that they hold on to the blind faith that they know exactly what their man needs and they will serve it to him the way they see fit. Meanwhile, the poor dude could be suffocating and wishing to hit it elsewhere, coming up with excuses every time you want him to do you.
(2)    Check his state of mind. You need to know that sex is a Tripartite Affair of Pairs. The first pair are the two minds involved, the second pair are the two emotional bodies involved and the third pair are the two physical bodies involved. You can’t have your minds in two separate places and think you will enjoy the same thing. Seducing him can work most of the times but sometimes you just need to find out if his mind is into sex that day. We do understand when you are “having a headache” or are on your untimely period, don’t we?
(3)    Check his emotional state. If, for example, he is stressed at work or financially, he might just need you to first assure him that he is still your hero and that you want to be with him no matter what he is going through. That will make him horny whereas if you don’t care what emotional state he is going through you might end up getting a poor performance from him and eventually accuse him of having a side dish.
(4)    Check his physical state. Unfortunately most women have heard that men don’t want dead weight in bed, so they always want to move and shake for their man. The question is are you moving in unison with his body or are you just moving to score points? Does his penis enjoy your movement or are you actually making things worse? Remember, the body is one hell of a trick mass. We differ in body size, height, width and weight. Just because Sipho used to like it when you gave it to him like this or when you gave him a hand or blow job in this way, it doesn’t mean Steve will like it that same way too. Ask if this “doesn’t hurt baby?” Find out if he gains maximum sensation when you do it this way or should you do it another way. Our penises are not izinduku (rods), they are muscle and flesh and they are sensitive too, please handle with care. Nothing scares the hell out of a man than the idea of his balls or penis “breaking.” He’d rather break-up than have his tools break. Any threat weakens the erection. Tune into his mind, emotions and body and see if this is what he really likes. If you are not sure, don’t be shy, just ask.
Whenever you go sexing your man, always keep in mind that sex is a matter of paired communication between a pair of minds, a pair of emotions and a pair of bodies. Go love your man like never before.

Kgoshii Lerabela
Author of 12 Types of People to Love… From a Distance (ISBN: 978-1-920655-18-1)